11 Genius Tips: How to Make Friends in College With Social Anxiety

In high school, you took having a group of close friends for granted. But now in college, you feel like you don’t fit in.

Everyone around you seems to have found their “group” already. But as a socially anxious person, you don’t know how to put yourself out there.

Before starting college, I faced similar fears—that as a shy person, I would spend most of my time holed up in my dorm. However, I soon realized that making friends wasn’t as hard as I had envisioned.

In this article, I’m going to share the tips that genuinely helped me. So if you want to learn exactly how to make friends in college with social anxiety, keep reading!

Understanding Social Anxiety

Before delving into the tips on how to make friends, I first want to cover what social anxiety is. Contrary to popular belief, having social anxiety is not the same as being shy (although whether you’re socially anxious or shy, I hope the tips in this article still help you out). 

What is Social Anxiety? 

A person with social anxiety experiences a persistent and overwhelming fear in social situations. They constantly feel like they are being judged, and this fear can manifest itself in both mental and physical symptoms: 

• Excessive worry: intense fear about negative judgments before attending a social event. 
• Physical symptoms: trembling, sweating, blushing, rapid heartbeat, and nausea. 
• Avoidance behaviors: active avoidance of social situations.
• Negative self-talk: negative self-image develops over time.

And How is Social Anxiety Different From Shyness?

Shyness is a natural tendency to be reserved in unfamiliar social situations. While a shy person may experience mild discomfort, this fear is not intense enough to interfere with daily functioning in academic, personal, and professional aspects of life. 

Here’s a simple example to illustrate: 

Let’s say Ann suffers from social anxiety and Melinda is a naturally shy person. Both Ann and Melinda want to approach their professor about a grading correction. Ann is so intimidated by the idea (What if the professor gets angry at me for questioning his grading? What if he thinks I’m awkward and weird?) that she decides not to do it. 

While Melinda is a little nervous about speaking to the professor (I’ve never talked to him so I don’t know what to expect… but it’s okay; I should stand up for myself if I feel like I wasn’t assigned the points I deserve.), she can talk herself into doing it. 

Ann lets her fear of social situations interfere with her academic performance, while Melinda does not.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

But whether you have social anxiety or are a shy person, you want to learn strategies that will make it easier for you to meet new people and navigate social situations.

So now let’s finally jump into the tips on how to make friends in college with social anxiety (or as a shy person)!

Tip #1: Gradually Expose Yourself to Social Situations

There’s no way to get over your fear of social situations other than by putting yourself into them. In fact, there is a term in psychology called “exposure therapy” in which patients are exposed to their fear to help them overcome that fear.

When I was younger, I was terrified of meeting new people—to the point where I would actively avoid interacting with others in public situations by bringing a book. However, over the past few years, I’ve been able to overcome much of my shyness by realizing this: the scariest part about meeting new people is just getting over the initial barrier of introducing yourself.

When I attended my college’s admitted students weekend, I went up to new students and simply introduced myself (“Hi, my name is __. I’m from __. What about you?”). I also worked at internships during the past year, so regularly interacting with other employees also helped me overcome my fear of talking to unfamiliar people.

Begin putting yourself in low-stakes situations, and just start by introducing yourself. The worst thing that can happen is that the other person does not talk much, which is okay!

Not everyone you meet is going to be someone you’d want to be friends with. But with every new person you talk to, meeting new people will become easier and easier! 

Tip #2: Use Positive Self-Talk 

There will be times when your anxiety may start creeping up again. Especially if you don’t vibe well with someone, you may be sent into a spiral like this: I don’t know how to fill in this awkward pause! This person doesn’t seem to be very engaged… What if I’m just uninteresting? Or what if I’m just generally unlikable? 

I used to feel this way in conversations that didn’t go well—like I was less interesting and likable than my more bubbly and extroverted peers. However, I’ve since realized how flawed these thoughts were. When I find these thoughts creeping up, telling myself these things has helped significantly: 

• I don’t need to get along with every person I meet. Different people have different interests and personalities; if I don’t click with someone’s energy and can’t find topics of mutual interest, then we’re just not that compatible, and that’s okay! 
• I have unique interests and perspectives to share. If I don’t feel comfortable sharing them with someone, or the person does not seem particularly interested in what I have to say, that is okay. 

Realizing that not clicking with everyone I talk to (or even most people) does not mean that I am unlikable or uninteresting has helped me take conversations less personally and thus become less scared of engaging in them. 

You need to realize that the right people will value your unique interests and perspective. Talking to people that make you feel uninteresting does not mean you are uninteresting. It just means you haven’t found the right people yet. 

Put Yourself Out There

Okay, so how can you increase your chances of finding people who make you feel invigorated instead of drained? How do you find low-stakes social situations where you can practice putting yourself out there?

In this section, I’ll be covering how to meet new friends in college—simple strategies that helped me get out of my dorm and talk to new people in my first semester.

Tip #3: Try Rushing a Sorority/Fraternity

As a freshman, you’ll have the opportunity to rush a sorority/fraternity before the semester starts. While the process varies from college to college, it’s a great way to meet new people, regardless of whether you commit to a Greek Life organization or not.

When I stepped foot on campus in the fall, I didn’t know what Greek Life was (apart from the negative stigma surrounding it due to pop culture). However, after hearing about it during orientation, I became interested and decided to rush.

I ended up having several engaging and informative conversations with upperclassmen. We talked about topics from on-campus clubs and courses to books and hobbies. As a bonus, you’ll also become more comfortable with talking to new people! (I think I talked to at least 20 new people over a few days?)

If you commit to a Greek Life organization, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to meet new friends outside of college classes. These include activities from shopping and grabbing coffee together to attending formals and organizing philanthropy events.

Tip #4: Join Clubs/Organizations

It’s always easier to talk to new people with whom you share similar interests. Personally, I believe there is no better way to meet people with similar interests than by joining on-campus clubs and organizations. 

If your college hosts a club fair at the beginning of the year, you should attend. Just visit various booths that pique your interest, pick up some cool merch, and chat with the students at the booths. 

Some simple questions to ask are:

• What is your club about?
• What could I get involved in as a freshman?
• What is the estimated time commitment?
• Is there an application process? 

Especially as a freshman, I would recommend adding as many clubs to your interest list as possible. Add clubs related to niche interests you have, new skills you want to learn, or philanthropic activities you’re interested in. 

To hold yourself accountable for checking out these clubs, schedule the first club meeting into your calendar, and sign up for the mailing list (if one exists). 

I will admit that it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of on-campus clubs (especially if there are multiple in a single area of interest). I felt overwhelmed at first, but here’s what I told myself: 

I just have to attend the first meeting (or two). If attending the next meeting feels like an obligation rather than something I look forward to, then I don’t have to go. However, if I feel like I clicked with some of the people or am passionate about the club’s cause, then I will attend the next meeting. 

Tip #5: Engage in Group Projects

One of my best tips on how to make friends in college classes is to participate in group projects. Personally, working on group projects helped me get to know my classmates better.

Now, it’s true that it can be difficult to balance other people’s opinions and work style. However, if you’re thrust into a group project situation, try to make the most of it. Contribute ideas, be transparent about your availability, and in general, do your part in making yourself a cooperative, supportive team member.

By doing your part in cultivating a positive group dynamic, you will not only learn more but may also inspire more engagement in your other team members.

Tip #6: Schedule Social Events Into Your Calendar

I’m honestly the type of person who will talk myself out of social events if I don’t schedule them into my calendar. (If you’re curious, I use Google Calendar to do all my scheduling.)

I’ve talked to other people, though, and it turns out I’m not the only one. If you also struggle with holding yourself accountable for attending social events, I highly suggest doing the same.

When you see the time block in your calendar, you will be forced to schedule your other obligations—homework, exercise, etc.—around it.

Navigating Social Events

Now onto the next section of tips on how to make friends in college if you have social anxiety (or are introverted).

Let’s say you’ve determined what social events to attend. How do you start making conversation with people?

Tip #7: Just Introduce Yourself

I mentioned this in an earlier tip, but honestly, the best way to start meeting people is to just introduce yourself. Instead of sitting by yourself, choose to sit next to someone new.

Apart from the obvious (asking for the person’s name and telling them your name), some good conversation openers include:

• Where are you from?
• Which dorm are you staying in?
• What made you interested in this club?
• What other on-campus activities are you involved in?

These questions can help pave the way for talking about mutual interests or other engaging topics.

Once you’ve done this often enough—introducing yourself to new people and getting a conversation started—you’ll find that it’s not that scary.

Tip #8: Be a Good Listener

Even if you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation (which does happen, and it’s totally okay), you should learn how to be a good listener. 

Firstly, body language is super important! You should make eye contact, angle your body towards the other person’s, and have a relaxed posture (don’t cross your arms or sit/stand stiffly). 

Secondly, provide reflective responses. Repeat or paraphrase key points to show that you’re actively processing what the other person is saying.

Thirdly, ask follow-up questions. This demonstrates genuine interest and shows that you are actively engaged in the conversation.

Tip #9: Don’t Force Yourself to Vibe With Everyone

Not every conversation is going to be successful and flow well. It’s natural to get along better with some people than others. 

I mentioned this earlier in Tip #2, but if you meet enough people, you will eventually find people who value your interests and perspectives. 

If you have an awkward conversation, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean that you’re uninteresting or unlikable. 

Believe in the value of what you have to offer as a friend, and continue meeting new people!

Stay in Touch

If you want an acquaintance to eventually become a friend, you need to stay in touch. If you have a great conversation with someone, don’t be afraid to ask for their phone number and/or social media. 

Tip #10: Schedule Time to Hang Out

If there’s a campus event you want to attend, send a text to someone you know to see if they’d also be interested. Or, just reach out to grab a coffee, get brunch, go shopping, or do something else fun together.

One thing that you may find helpful is to set yourself small social goals, such as scheduling time to hang out with people at least twice a week. If you’re having a particularly busy week, you can simply schedule time to work on homework together.

You may have a small voice at the back of your mind saying, “What if they don’t respond? Maybe they don’t really like me and don’t want to hang out?” 

One thing I’ve realized is that you shouldn’t take a delayed response personally. People may be busy, prefer taking their time to respond, or have some other reason that isn’t personal. When reflecting on my communication patterns, I’ve realized that most times, when I respond late or forget to respond entirely, it is not because of the other person but because I was preoccupied with something else. 

Once you realize that a late response (or even when someone ghosts you) doesn’t reflect anything personal, it takes the pressure off of reaching out to people, even those you’ve just met.

Tip #11: Check In

College can get busy, which means that you may not have time to see people every week. Lack of communication (even with someone you clicked with) can lead to distancing, however. 

To avoid this, don’t be afraid to check in with people from time to time. If you had a great conversation with someone at the beginning of the semester but haven’t bumped into them since, send them a message, just to let them know that you’re thinking about them. Also, make yourself open to meeting up sometime. 

Here’s an example of a quick message you could type up: 

Hey [name]! I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you recently. I really enjoyed the conversations we had at the beginning of the semester, and I think it’s cool how we have so many shared interests.* I hope your semester’s been going well, and if you want to hang out sometime, I’d totally be down for it! 

* You can add some more things here to make the message more personal (such as specific interests you share or specific qualities of the person that made you enjoy their company). 

Another tip I have for checking in is to write thank you cards to people who you felt positively influenced you during the semester. You can send virtual ones or even go old school and make handwritten ones.

(This tip can also be extended to professors, mentors, and other supportive people in your life.) 

In the modern world, we’re used to instantaneous forms of communication (a quick text, a brief email reply, etc.). When you sit down to write a real thank-you note, it can be a very meaningful gesture to whoever’s receiving it. 

Holidays, like Thanksgiving and the New Year, or even the end-of-term are a great time to send these notes. 

Overview of How to Make Friends in College With Social Anxiety

If you have social anxiety, the prospect of making new friends in college can seem terrifying. However, I hope the tips in this article helped you realize that meeting and making new friends in college doesn’t have to be difficult. 

Here are the main takeaways: 

• Put yourself in more social situations. The more you meet new people, the more you’ll realize it’s not so scary! 
• Don’t take unsuccessful conversations personally. The right people will appreciate what you have to share. 
• Practice introducing yourself, asking questions, and being a good listener to keep conversations going. 
• Get involved in social events by rushing, joining clubs, and engaging in group projects. 
• Actively maintain relationships by scheduling time to hang out. 
• If you haven’t seen someone in a while, check in to see how they’re doing.

I hope you found these tips useful, and feel free to drop any questions in the comment section below!

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